Posted by Carmin on September 20, 1997 at 15:11:09:
The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As
part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a five-year,
phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro, for short). In
the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servents will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard
"c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but
typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" is replaced by
"f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of the double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they will go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with 'z", and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining
"ou", and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
more trubls or difikultis and evrevun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
ozer. Ze drem wil vinali kum tru!
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